Body image is directly linked to your sex life.

More than half of women have a negative body image and a whopping 97% have a negative thought about their body every single day. Men too suffer from body shame with almost 40% feeling dissatisfied with their weight or appearance. However, it is more common for women dealing with body image issues to refrain from sex.

Here’s what can help:

Turn the Lights Off

The ancient rabbis strongly advocated that sex take place in the dark, by moonlight. while the body is what allows us to engage in sex, in judaism sex transcends the body. The visual is only one of your five senses that should be employed. in the dark, sounds, smells, touch, taste and movements are all heightened.  remember that the principle sexual organ is the mind, not the body. turning the lights off will allow for more expression and comfort, without inhibiting your erotic side/needs because of body insecurity. Lights off will allow you to free your mind for connection and pleasure rather than being consumed with how you look, which is a direct inhibitor to enjoying sex.

Talk About It With Your Partner

Sharing your body image issues with your partner will help unburden the pain and shame that comes with body image issues. let them know what you’re feeling about your body, chances are they have some insecurities of their own. Men and women both struggle and talking about it will help you two connect and feel more safe with each other during sex. it will also help your partner understand your needs and make you feel sexy, even if you’re not feeling it.

Limit Exposure To Body Imagery

The mind is extremely susceptible to what the eye sees. Judaism has laws about guarding our eyes because it is our nature to be affected by what we see. Constant consumption of what others look like, which is usually doctored and inaccurate, will only heighten the instinct to compare yourself to others. There has been so much progress when it comes to representing women in the media, but there is still a long way to go.Until we see real portrayals of women, take it upon yourself to lessen how much you view other’s bodies, especially ones that dampen your confidence.

Find The Right Lingerie

a lot of women feel that they can’t dress sexy because they aren’t at their “ideal” weight or shape. Lingerie isn’t just there for your partner but for you as well. taking off your day clothes and putting on something sexy can make you feel fresh, confident and ready to go. But find what works for your body, not what is considered “sexy”. The undressing part and foreplay sets the tone for how ready you feel for sex, physically and emotionally. Search out new brands that promote all body types and design underwear that highlight the parts of your body that you love and suit your specific curves.

Touch Anyway

Not feeling great about your body may leave you hesitant or even uninterested in sex. But go for it anyway. Your sex drive and relationship with your body are complex. learning to love and feel good in your body could take some time and intimacy shouldn’t have to take a back seat to that process. in fact, having sex can help boost self-esteem. Even if you’re not feeling sexy, once the touching starts, it may awaken desire within you. often women experience responsive desire- where getting turned only happens once they’ve begun engaging sexually.

Engage Your Erotic Side

It is important to constantly engage your erotic side, not just when you’re about to have sex. so instead of solely putting the focus on your body with diets and exercise, try activating the deeper sexual sides of yourself. This could mean dirty texts to each other during the day, exploring your body alone and seeing what feels good, reading erotic literature, or bringing novelties into the bedroom, like games and toys. try new things that allow you to get in touch with/excite your sexuality and get you to see the erotic being you are intrinsically, regardless of how you see your body.

Embrace Your Body

This one may seem redundant and perhaps the hardest one to internalize, but know that you are gods original and you have been sculpted perfectly. loving your body may always be a struggle, but your sex life should not have to suffer. try sensual activities that help you feel more calm and present in the body- like massaging each other, dancing together, or couples games that take the edge off and ease you in to sex. Bodies are amazing. they change, evolve and grow with us. They house the soul and are the vehicles that allow us to enjoy the pleasures of this world. So be kind to your body.