We are all born blissfully unaware. Oblivious to the challenges of life, ignorant of how we measure up to others and innocent of insecurity. But as we grow so does our awareness. We start to see and judge ourselves and often through the prism of other’s eyes. It’s only natural. Suddenly, parental love isn’t enough and when they tell us we’re beautiful or special, we don’t fully trust it- that kind of love is biological so it just doesn’t hit the same. So, we start searching outside for love and acceptance. Only through earning love and getting someone to want us of their own free will can make us feel special. And the feeling is healing.

Romantic love does have the power to heal. When someone accepts you and continues to want and love you, despite your perceived flaws or even because of them, it helps you accept yourself as well. The feeling of being loved can help remedy some of the ills we contract going through life, making us feel more whole, worthy and unique.

But just like our awareness grows through our youth, so it does in a relationship as it matures. We start seeing that a partner has faults of their own and just as parental love ceases to have a certain potency, so does a partner’s. Because though being loved can treat wounds, it can never fully cure them or reach the depth of how and when those wounds came to be. And it isn’t supposed to.

There isn’t any kind love or devotion that can completely “fix” or “change” someone. The love can prompt it, encourage it and make a safe space for that change to happen, but ultimately love’s healing power has its limits. No outside force can change what’s within. Real change comes from a choice and commitment to address and work on what’s going on inside and how it exhibits itself- and that is no one’s responsibility but your own. Love simply gives you the strength to face it and make it not that big and scary. Love makes the mountain look mountable. But your partner can’t carry you up because chances are they’re trying to climb too. So take each other’s hand and trek together.