Chakrevolution: Heal Your Marriage with a Crystal
An Interview with Vanessa Cuccia, Chakrubs Founder
Chakrubs are sex toys made from natural crystal that bring a sense of sacredness to your marriage. These beautiful, hand-crafted tools are created with the intention of opening oneself up to the healing properties crystals provide. Crystals have perfect molecular structures that have positive effects on our electro-magnetic fields. When our energetic bodies are at ease, we are at ease, we are open to healing, to peace, to love, to all of life’s pleasures.
‘Chakrubs’ derives from Chakra, a Sanskrit word describing energy wheels. Chakrubs urge you to feel deeply, passionately, subtly and express it with your spouse. Light up your chakras, and create an intentional practice that that not only engages you in a spiritual sexual experience, but turns you on in way that you will remain turned on and awakened with a renewed sense of self-awareness and wisdom.
KS: What was your intention with Chakrubs? Was it a personal venture into understanding your personal
sexuality and what worked for you or did you envision it becoming a movement?
Vanessa: It was kind of both and all of that. I had an inkling it was going to be big. I knew that if it was helping me, which it was, it was going to help others because if I needed it, then other people needed it. We’re all connected. I would speak about it and everything behind it with my friends and I would get mixed reactions a lot but most of the time, the thought of combining this very emotionally supportive material with pleasure and the idea of self exploration led to so many conversations. I realized that this was bigger than just a product. I also know that this a very buzz- worthy kind of thing, you know, a crystal dildo. It’s been in every magazine, blogs, outlets, stuff like that, and now it’s very common, people accept it. So, I knew that it was something that I needed to bring into the world for myself and for other people.
KS: Had you always been into crystals and healing? Do you think that your consumers need to have some kind of experience or relationship with crystals to enjoy a Chakrub?
Vanessa: No, first of all you do not need to have experience with crystals to enjoy a Chakrub, because without any of the metaphysical benefits, it’s still a really good sex toy. At the core of it, I want people to just spend time with themselves and partners, and that’s what this promotes. Another thing is that if you do have a relationship with crystals, which I did, you can use it to get deep into yourself physically, of course, but also into what kind of ideas you have that are negating beliefs you want to have about pleasure…
KS: Are you anti run-of-the-mill, regular sex toys for couples?
Vanessa: No, I’m not anti anything. If you’re somebody that wants more, like I did, then this would be what I
would suggest. If you’re somebody that needs that vibration to enhance sex with your partner, then go for it. I know myself, so I know what I need in order to feel fulfilled, and what I needed was not just a great orgasm. But aside from that, I needed to explore myself, to bond with myself, and that’s something that I don’t feel like I could personally achieve with just a battery operated toy.
KS: Well, do you think that sexuality is more rooted in a spiritual, metaphysical state of being than a purely physical one? Should it be?
Vanessa: I think it can be. The thing is that everybody is different, so I never want to say that it should be this or that way, but it could be a conduit to something greater than ourselves. Our sexuality is a really great place to start looking if you want to get to know or understand yourself better. It even touches on those big questions of existence, like why are we here. So, if you’re somebody that is interested in that, that is a good place to start, because it’s the most intimate part of who we are, something that we do with someone in the dark. It’s something that we share with only someone that we deem appropriate for ourselves… And even if not consciously, subconsciously, we are picking someone that teaches us something. If you want to look at it that way? You know what I mean…so this can be a tool for that. So, my mission with Chakrubs is to say that hey, this is an element to life, energy is an element to your sex life and if you’re feeling off energetically, you’re not going to be able to get off physically.
KS: When it comes to sex toys, some people are concerned that they’ll be either become reliant on a sex toy, or that it may hinder their sexual experience with their spouse in some way because they’ve become accustomed to a toy. What do you say to that?
Vanessa: If you feel like you’re going to be reliant on something, use it responsibly. A thing that’s very popular in the sex toy industry is to try and reassure people, “oh, you’re not going to desensitize yourself and you’re not going to be reliant” but the thing is, some people might be. Some people have addictive personalities and could get addicted to certain stimulants, so to me it’s all about knowing yourself. So if you’re that type, maybe don’t use it every single time, vary things up. I think it is a really good tool, but like any tool, it can easily be used against you if not used properly. Again, it all comes down to knowing yourself really.
KS: So, some people might find a Chakrub to be a more personal sexual experience, so how can it be introduced and utilized in a committed relationship? Does it work as well?
Vanessa: Oh yeah, it works with a partner beautifully! Especially, if you do give it that acknowledgment that
it is a very sacred tool meant to deepen connection and be supportive emotionally. So, if you have a partner that is trusted with that knowledge and you use it together, it is going to be a very different experience than with a sex toy that’s meant to be for exploring a kinkier side of your relationship. Chakrubs are intended for exploring the more spiritual, connection-part of your relationship. If you experience something spiritual with the person you’re with, you deepen your connection like crazy, especially whilst feeling pleasure. It just lends itself to the experience of emotional support, which is really valuable in a relationship.
KS: Well, I’m sure you’ve run into all different types of stigmas about what you do. It’s probably an often awkward conversation piece. But being that you’re in the industry and constantly having to discuss sexuality, what do you think is the balance between talking about sexuality openly and redefining a taboo without making the conversation surrounding sex mundane, like talking about the weather? Because in a way, the fact that the conversation surrounding sex is so taboo, somehow manages to keep it mysterious and sexy and it’s important to keep sex sexy. So what do you think is the balance?
Vanessa: That’s a really interesting question. You know when I’m, let’s say getting my nails done or getting my hair done and asked what I do, I always calibrate, who am talking to? How will they respond to it? I don’t feel like what I do is taboo necessarily. It’s more of a question of whether the person I’m talking to has the capability to have an open mind and really see it. The beautiful thing is that I can kind of touch upon different areas of my work because it includes so many elements of life, I can highlight certain aspects.
KS: Like tailor it to them?
Vanessa: Yes, exactly. I think what you said is really interesting about how it is taboo, which in a way lends itself to making the topic sacred and special. Of course, we don’t want to put a lot of shame around the topic of sex, so it’s complicated.
KS: Well, you’re such a great ambassador for your brand, but it’s interesting because your brand is a little different in that it promotes the mystical, holy, sacred side of sex, whereas a lot of the other companies in this field really don’t. Other companies promote sex as fun and a means to an end, to achieve sexual pleasure as efficiently as possible. That’s why we decided to carry your brand on the Sensual Revolution/Kosher.Sex site. We believe that your message is very in tune with ours, of bringing a spiritual element to your love life and experiencing sex as something holy. And really the only way to do that is with someone you can be totally, not just physically naked with, but emotionally naked with as well. Only through intimacy with one person can you achieve this.
But I just wanted to address something that you mention in an interview I watched. You said that in your relationship with a previous boyfriend, with whom you were with for six years, you found that “your pleasure was not a priority” and that “sex was for him” which resulted in you disassociating from your body, which has been found to be a very common experience for women. How did you get out of that cycle?
Vanessa: Well, I knew that my issue was that I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t set boundaries, based off of what I wanted. So, I needed to learn what I liked and learn how to express that to my partner. But I also have found that sometimes men don’t really put in the work and don’t really even try that hard. It’s just the way that society has positioned sex for the sexes. It goes hand in hand, because yes, we as women need to be able to say to our partners what it is that we want and what we like or don’t like, but for me, I needed to examine myself.
I’ve come so far, but it has definitely been a process. But I really feel that it needs to be put out there, that men and people in general need to be educated about women’s pleasure.
It’s just funny that we expect two things to just come naturally to us, sex and love. But those are the two things that actually need to be learned and mastered like any other art form. I feel that only once you’ve learned and educated yourself, can you feel comfortable and confident enough in yourself, and then in the moment, just let that knowledge escape you and go with your intuition. I really believe in the education part. And what was lacking from my relationship was not just me not saying, “this doesn’t feel good, I don’t like this…” it was him not being sensitive to me enough to understand and take into consideration what I wanted and needed. It really takes both parties to be in touch with what they need.
KS: Well, that’s interesting because again, that’s exactly one of the ideas that we’re trying to promote with Sensual Revolution. You know, in society there’s this narrative that men are super-sexual and the women just kind of go along with it. But Judaism really rejects that premise and fully believes that women are actually much more sexual than men. There’s also this law in Judaism that a man must please the woman first and in general, any sexual activity that she desires, is not only acceptable, but encouraged. Sensual Revolution is actually really emphatic on the need for lust within a marriage and committed relationship, over commonalities and shared interests which are essentially the basis for a friendship. Sexual attraction and lust, we believe, are the cornerstone of a committed relationship.
So, how important do you think sex is in a relationship?
Vanessa: For me personally and in my experience, it is top priority. It may vary from person to person, but I do believe that people get into ruts and I think that’s a really tricky place to be in. I think that it’s such an important aspect of a relationship and also a really great way to enjoy your life with someone. I think that if you make it a priority, it will benefit your life. I also think that if you’re having an issue in your relationship, you probably need to look first in the bedroom, like what’s going on there, first and foremost. Because if you’re orgasming and connecting to your partner in that way, then a lot of the other stresses in your life are not going to matter as much.
KS: Wow, very well said. Thank you so much for your time. And thanks for creating Chakrubs!