by Chana Boteach

“וְאֶל־אִישֵׁךְ֙ תְּשׁ֣וּקָתֵ֔ךְ וְה֖וּא יִמְשׇׁל־בָּֽךְ”

The story of the sin of Adam and Eve and their exile from the Garden of Eden is extremely complex, but even more troubling are the curses they receive from God, specifically Eve. Aside from childbirth becoming  “painful and distressful”, she is told that her relationship with her partner Adam will be agonizing too. She will long for him but he will dominate her. Torah commentator Rashi explains that this also refers to Eve’s sexual desire for Adam; she will yearn for him but “won’t have the temerity to proposition him.”

This curse seems eternal with implications even today.

Studies show that in over 60% of couples, men are the ones initiating sex. Surveys also show that women fantasize about initiating sex more often but don’t.

So many women struggle with expressing their sexual needs and experience shame when those needs are coupled with a deep need for emotional connection.

So, even when they want sex and connection, they’re uncomfortable asking for it, mistakingly believing that sex is a man’s domain and has to be done his way.

The world has bought into the idea that sex is a physical act that can be divorced from emotion, with men being the “physical” ones and women, the “emotional” ones. Even worse, at times it feels that men’s emotional capacity will never be able to match the depth of women’s and that like Eve, they will always yearn but be dominated.

Sex has become an empty, lonely experience for so many people as they “started having sex like men”- the connotation being without emotion and attachment, which are seen as weakness.

But!

We are living in Messianic times, an era that ushers in the feminine. It is women’s time to reverse the curse of Eve and reclaim sex. Women must take the reigns and reinfuse sex with the passion and weight that it truly holds.

These dynamics are true no matter who the couple, regardless of orientation. The feminine and masculine polarities are always there. In these redemptive times, the feminine shines through. The feminine will teach, soften and bring emotion and carnal closeness to the surface. The feminine will rid sex of shame and distance- finally binding, bonding and healing.