Sex and communication are arguably the most essential pillars of a romantic relationship. Sex is seen as the expression of the body; communication is the expression of the mind. Both are vital to a couple’s happiness and attachment.

So what about together- talking during sex?

To be frank, in Judaism sex is more of a non-verbal experience. Communication is through the body and a couple reads each other through movement, touch and sound.

Also, talking usually takes thought. How does it fit into an act like sex, that is supposed to be uninhibited and instinctual- so much so that it is marked by sounds like grunting and moaning.

In Judaism, speech is incredibly powerful. We are taught to guard our tongue and try to assign some holiness to our words. Turns out though, even “dirty talk” can be branded holy.

But it’s all about context.

And if the context is enhancing a couple’s passion and excitement about each other- then have at it.

Jewish thought explains that speech isn’t merely words coming out of our mouths- there is the potential for creation. The world itself was created by G-d’s utterances. The talk between a couple also has that potential for creation- that of making an ordinary sexual experience, extraordinary.

The consensus of the Rabbis is that any talk that increases lust between a couple is not only acceptable, but encouraged. From flirting, complementing and seducing, to sexting or spelling out what you like or want to do- if it’s for the purpose of turning a couple on to each other: its A-OK.

The purpose of this talk is to elevate the sexual experience and bring a couple closer, communicating their desires and excitement for each other. The great sage, Maimonides even says that a husband should talk and play with his wife, not just to increase lust, but to calm and relax her before sex.

Judaism wants a couple to employ every tool at their disposal when it comes to intensifying passion. It is also understood that when experiencing that passion, couples cannot always control what comes out of their mouths.

But here’s where the Rabbis put their foot down.

Considering that sex in Judaism is one of the most extraordinary acts- the Rabbis insist it be kept that way. What isn’t so hot or backed by the Rabbis is any talk that detracts or belittles the experience. Talk before or during sex must be centered around the couple and purely for the sake of heightening emotion and arousing desire. Any mundane, unrelated or irrelevant conversation that distracts a couple from each other or interrupts intimacy is strictly forbidden.

During sex, a couple’s mind must be cleared for each other.  But for talk that is expressive of thought that bonds a couple tighter together- Judaism is on board.