by Chana Boteach

While the purpose of sex in Judaism is intimacy, there is a commandment for men to procreate paired with the prohibition of “wasting seed.”  Women are exempt from the commandment to bear children as Jewish law does not instruct people to keep commandments that can endanger life or cause serious pain, like childbirth.

But as we know, Judaism is understanding of human nature and often birth control is necessary and benefits a couple- whether it’s a medical, mental, financial issue or simply because a couple is not ready to have kids.

It is extremely rare that a Rabbi or Yoetzet Halacha (female Jewish law authority) will not grant a couple permission to use contraception when they ask, but there are specifics when it comes to the methods of birth control.

Though birth control is a form of “wasted seed,” the Rabbis get around it by allowing methods of birth control that still allow for the sperm to enter the vagina, so that technically it’s not a “waste.”

Contraception methods like the pill, IUD/IUS, and rings are allowed and preferred because they do not prevent skin to skin, intimate contact and allow the normal passage of semen into the female. Rabbis have differed on the use of diaphragms with spermicide and cervical caps, but the general consensus is that they are permitted because they are so deeply inserted that they don’t stop the semen from entering the vagina.

Condoms however are almost never allowed because they are a barrier method that create a physical divider between two bodies during intercourse. Rabbis will only make an exception when there’s a risk of STI’s being transmitted to a spouse or other forms of contraception pose a risk.

When it comes to birth control another consideration is whether it’s reversible. Sterilization or other more permanent forms of preventing pregnancy like tubal ligation or vasectomies are not allowed, however the prohibition for the man is directly from the Torah (Deuteronomy 23:2) whereas for a woman it is a Rabbinic prohibition. Again though, in medical/health instances or on a case to case basis, any form of contraception may be used.

The prestigious Halachic expert, Rabbi Henkin even made a general blanket rule that couples within the first six months of marriage or within a year or two of giving birth can use contraception, to give them intimate time with their new spouse/baby and to recover from childbirth.

Judaism is extremely family centric and sees intrinsic value, potential, perfection and holiness in each child. While the commandment “be fruitful and multiply” (to have one boy and one girl) exists and ensures the continuation of our people and tradition, family planning can be stressful and Judaism veers away from putting a couple through more they they can handle. A loving union of two people is paramount as is the mental and physical health of each individual. Halachic (Jewish law) authorities are there to ensure that a marriage and the wellbeing of a future child are never compromised and will work with you, in accordance with Jewish law to assist.

*Disclaimer: Jewish law can be very case specific. For all questions please refer to a Rabbi.