In Judaism, alcohol has the potential for both holiness and degradation. Wine is a staple in many holy rituals and its potency is often highlighted, especially when it comes to love. King Solomon alludes to its power in his Song of Songs, “drink and get drunk on love.” But we are also warned of alcohol’s potential for destruction. The Torah tells us that one of the world’s key pleasures that a Nazir (*someone who “separates” themselves from society for a period of time in order to live a strictly spiritual life) must refrain from is wine, all the way down to the grape’s seeds and skin.

In fact, the portion of the Torah that teaches us about a “Nazir” directly follows the portion detailing the “Sotah”- the suspected wayward wife. The close proximity of these two topics in Torah is no coincidence. Rashi explains, “It comes to tell you that anyone who sees a sotah in her state of disgrace, should take upon himself to abstain from wine [by becoming a nazir], because wine leads to adultery.”

So, even back then people were blaming bad behavior on alcohol. But what if you, like so many others, are using alcohol to “help” your sex life?

Alcohol is one of the most turned to “remedies” to help enjoy sex. Studies found that 3 in 4 women need to consume alcohol to help calm their nerves before sex and accelerate arousal. The logic seems to make sense- alcohol lowers inhibition, relaxes the mind and really seems to get people in the mood.

This has become an especially common trend for women who think that in a more intoxicated state they will be more body confident, less self-conscious and even make sex more physically comfortable. Evidence also shows that a drink or two may boost testosterone in women and make them feel more aroused.

But science disagrees and explains that most of  this is in the mind and doesn’t translate to the body. Not only has alcohol been linked to erectile dysfunction for men, but women too are adversely affected by alcohol. Research shows that the higher someone’s BAC (blood alcohol content) the less blood flow to the genitals, making the area less responsive. Alcohol intake can also affect ability to reach orgasm, orgasm intensity and even numb the private parts to a degree.

But Judaism understands alcohol, and even more so, sex.

The Torah scholar, Maimonides explained that a man may not have sex with his wife while he is intoxicated. But if he’s getting drunk and having sex with his wife, then what’s the big deal?

Because sex in Judaism is about true intimacy and that can only happen with true presence- facing the intensity of the act together. During sex two people must feel free with each other, not from the dulling of feelings, but from the exposure of them.

Judaism wants you intoxicated, just not by alcohol. Alcohol may seem to facilitate more connection, but Judaism encourages a connection based on openness and vulnerability, not one induced by liquid courage.

Under the influence of each other’s very presence.