When it comes to sexuality, Judaism honors all aspects, both the physical and spiritual. But like any behavior and act, Judaism puts laws in place to ensure that it maximizes its power and can best serve a couple.

The Shulchan Aruch, translated as “set table,” was authored by Rabbi Josef Karo in Israel in 1563 and is the standard code of Jewish law. it outlines rules for Jewish life and rituals and does not shy away from the intimate realms, which in Judaism are paramount.

While all Jews are united in ethnicity and religion, there are some discrepancies between the customs of Sephardic (Spanish, Middle Eastern) and Ashkenaz (German, European) Jewry. Because Rabbi Josef Karo was of the Sephardic tradition, another prolific sage but an Ashkenazi one, Rabbi Moshe Isserles, known as the Rama, provided a commentary on the Shulchan Aruch called the “Mapah”, or “tablecloth.” His explanations ensured that all Jews could refer to the same code of law and remain united.

The Ramah explains that regarding intimacy (accompanied by consent), a husband “may do with his wife whatever he wishes. He may have intercourse whenever he wishes, he may kiss any part of her body that he desires, he may have typical (vaginal) or atypical (anal) intercourse, or stimulate himself with other parts of her body, so long as he does not ejaculate outside the vagina. Some authorities are lenient and say that he may even ejaculate during anal intercourse, if it is occasional and not his habit. Even though all of this is permissible, anyone who wishes to sanctify himself (by abstaining) from the permitted is called holy.”

What is remarkable here is not just that 16th century Rabbis were discussing sex so explicitly and openly, but the depth of Judaism’s understanding of human nature and prioritizing of a couples coital connection. Nearly any practice that excites a couple and enlivens their erotic life is permitted. Judaism recognizes “holier” forms of intercourse, possibly those that foster eye contact, kissing and face to face intimacy; but also that at times a couple’s need for exploration and novelty may overcome them and their bodily functions, such as ejaculation.

On a last note, the Sages seem to acknowledge that we are human and that intercourse, the most primal of acts, must have a place for all types of expression in marriage. But in Judaism, we elevate our base nature in order to reach higher, holier planes. Due to this, the latter opinion stresses that certain sexual acts should not become too commonplace in a marriage- perhaps they draw more focus to the body and animal instinct, which is understandable and a very real part of us. But ultimately, it is the divine- that which transcends the body- that we crave to connect to with a spouse.