Sexually intrusive thoughts are unwanted sexual thoughts that involuntarily pop up in someone’s head involving acts that are counter to the person’s desires. They can include thoughts that go against the person’s values and morals, often comprising of inappropriate, violent, even illegal sexual acts. These thoughts can cause extreme distress and confusion, invading a person’s mind with images or ideas that frighten or disgust them. Yet, these thoughts arise regardless of how much a person tries to ignore or fight them.

Though these thoughts are only in the mind, the individual may fixate and obsess over the thoughts causing extreme distress, guilt and shame. Often the individual can begin to believe the thoughts, convincing themselves that perhaps they do want to act on them, leading a person to assign validity and meaning to these thoughts. A person may even constrict or adapt their behavior accordingly to make sure they’re not in a situation to act on the intrusive thought, disrupting their life and happiness.

These patterns and thoughts are associated with OCD but can affect anyone, with over 90% of people experiencing them at some point and to different degrees.

Here’s the important point:

The mind is the most powerful organ when it comes to your sexuality. But the brain is extremely complex and often uncontrollable. Sometimes it can even feel like the mind is the enemy or a weapon, tormenting the thinker, convincing them that these thoughts make them abnormal, perverse, even sick.

But, thoughts are not real and unless you act on them, they mean nothing. They can be torturous, but in Judaism we are held accountable for our actions, not our thoughts. The mind is a wondrous, yet unpredictable thing. It can take someone to the heights of creativity and depth, but also reach some pretty dark, disturbing places. These thoughts are not to be feared and suffered. Let them be. They should be approached without judgment or revulsion, but with an understanding that sometimes the brain gets a little weird! These thoughts do not define you or have any bearing on what you want and desire sexually.

In severe cases where a person finds their thoughts unbearable or disrupting their life and relationships, OCD, ERP (exposure and response prevention) or CBT (cognitive behavioral) therapies or medications can help a person to cope, manage and overcome.

Remember: there is nothing wrong with you!