Tu B’av, the day of love, is the one of the most joyous and potent days in the Jewish calendar. Yet, it falls just a few days after the 9th of Av, a day of profound mourning. Why such stark contrasts in the span of a week? Turns out, there’s a deep connection. But, this merry day of love has some ominous origins.

The root of this day turning festive begins with the generation of Jews who were redeemed from slavery in Egypt and being led to the promised land. Upon sending spies to scout out the land and hearing their account of the enemy’s strength, the Jews were terrified and protested against God. For this sin and lack of faith in God’s ability, the complainer generation would have to die out, allowing the new generation to take the first steps into Israel.

As the Jews wandered the desert, every year on Tisha B’av, the 9th day, everyone was instructed to dig their own grave and sleep in it, for their participation in the sin of the spies. By morning, only a fraction would be alive.

In the fortieth year of their travels, when the 9th day of Av arrived, the Jews followed protocol, laid in their graves and were astonished to find that come morning, everyone was still living. The Jews were perplexed and assumed that they had confused the calendar and it was not yet the 9th day. They continued this macabre procession until the 15th day, Tu B’av. when the full moon appeared, they realized that the 9th had certainly passed and so had God’s wrath and harsh decree. The day called for celebration.

That the most tragic day, the 9th of Av (Tisha B’av) and the most joyful, the 15th (Tu B’av) should land together in the same month is no coincidence. It holds deep meaning, especially when it comes to intimate relationships.

The 9th of Av, beginning with the sin of the spies, marked a rupture in our relationship with God. Throughout history, this particular day would make us feel distanced from God. Even historically, God has visited endless tragedy on the Jews on Tisha B’av.

But just a few days later, on the 15th, we and God come close again. God’s anger dissipates and there is forgiveness, and the closeness now shared is deeper and more intense than before.

Our relationship with God is highlighted in the month of Av. The lowest low somehow ushers in the highest high. This cosmic, spiritual dynamic is paralleled here on earth in our romantic relationships.

Real, deep relationships are not smooth sailing. They test your character, your patience, your commitment. A partner/spouse unearths and mirrors a lot of what we’d rather keep buried deep inside. But for all the rifts and ruptures, the breaches of trust and near-divorces- somehow those same two people can come back together.

Here we learn the essence of a relationship, deep rupture and then wholehearted repair.

* Artwork by Raizelle Serebrowski