The Suspected Unfaithful Wife
The topic of the “Sotah” or suspected wayward wife was the biblical ritual to discover whether or not a woman had been unfaithful to her husband.
The ordeal begins with a jealous husband warning his wife, in front of two witnesses, not to be secluded with a specific man. If she is found, despite this warning, to be alone with that certain man she is brought to the High Priest at the Temple. The proceedings are humiliating: The Sotah’s hair is uncovered and she is given a concoction of bitter water to drink. If she is guilty of adultery, the mixture will cause “her belly to swell, and her thigh will rupture” causing her to die. The man who she had the affair with will also die on the spot, wherever he is. If the waters prove her innocence, she can unite with her husband and will be blessed and bear beautiful children.
Now at face value, this process seems troubling and needs explaining, which is exactly what the Rabbis get into. This process, archaic as it seems was actually revolutionary in protecting the rights of women.
At a time when women were considered property of their husbands, an accused wife was presumed guilty- no questions asked, no investigation. The Torah however insists that the accused be afforded some kind of trial. Before this whole process is put into motion, the Sotah is encouraged to come clean. If she confesses to guilt, she simply has to divorce her husband, forfeiting her marriage contract payment.
Also, as mentioned, these events were extremely rare and could only be brought before the High Priest if a husband explicitly warned his wife in front of two reliable witnesses who then both testify that she was secluded with said man for sufficient time for intercourse to take place.
The Torah lists the many steps that must be taken, so as to avoid this kind of scenario for couples altogether.
The Mishna proves this with the two words used to begin
commentary on the Sotah topic- “הַמְקַנֵּא לְאִשְׁתּוֹ” meaning “One who has warned his wife.”
The Gemara is confused by the past tense wording- suggesting that the warning has already been given. It seems like it begins in the middle of the story instead of starting from the point where a husband is suspicious of his wife and then wants to issue a warning. Some Rabbis hold that these two words come to teach us that the husband never should have warned his wife in the first place. In fact, in Judaism a man is forbidden from making these warnings because they are degrading and humiliating to her.
Reish Lakish, a Talmudic scholar, takes it one step further, quoting- “Heaven matches a woman to a man only according to his actions”- implying that a husband too is responsible for the breakdown of the marriage.
Regardless, if a couple reaches this point, the rite of the Sotah must be carried out. After bringing an offering, the final step for the Sotah is to drink the water- comprised of bitters, earth from the Tabernacle floor and parchment with the text of curses that could befall her. The passage is erased into the waters and then given to drink. The wording of these curses include God’s holy name, which is also erased- something extremely uncommon in Judaism. Usually anywhere that God’s name is written must be handled with reverence and even buried instead of discarded. But here God makes an exception, teaching us that for the sake of peace between a husband and wife, God is willing to have His name effaced.
There is one more takeaway from the testing of the Sotah- one of women’s powerful sexuality. Even today, but especially then, there was a widespread belief that female sexuality was less potent and alive than mens. Men were the ones who had to be warned of curbing their sexuality and controlling their urges. But we learn here from the Sotah that women too can stray. Female sexuality is powerful and must be acknowledged, appreciated and catered to, especially in a marriage.