The Tents of Israel and Intimacy

by Chana Boteach

“מה טבו אהליך יעקב משכנתיך ישראל”

“How fair are your tents, O Jacob, Your dwellings, O Israel”

For many Jews, the quote above is recited every  day. It was said by Bilam, the powerful prophet who was commissioned by the Moabite King to curse the Jews. Yet, no matter how he tried to curse them, only blessings would go forth from his mouth.

This praise highlights the tents of Israel specifically, but why? What was so unique about them?

The Sages explain that the tents of the Jews were distinctive in their positioning – that their entrances faced away from their neighbors’.

Though there were millions of Jews at that time migrating through the desert towards Israel, still they prioritized privacy and valued the intimacy of a couple. They made sure that they could not see into others tents and that no one could see into theirs.

Judaism teaches of the sacredness of a relationship and its surroundings. Beyond the laws prohibiting gossip, Judaism advises that what takes place between a couple should be exclusive, far from outside influence or opinion.

Naturally, people talk to their friends or family about their relationship. It’s important to have trusted confidantes as an outlet. Also, a couple should always seek advice and counsel when they need it.

But in a culture of oversharing, the tent openings send a clear message. A couples intimate relationship is between them and often disclosing personal details can violate the boundaries of the relationship and dilute intimacy. What happens between a couple should be private and protected, without fear of judgment from outsiders.

Privacy in a relationship also builds trust and confidence in one another. Being able to show your most intimate side without feeling it will be shared with others, creates a safe space for vulnerability and sexual expression.

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